


Defective

by The_Uninspired



Series: Lady, aka trans (clone) rights [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Coming Out, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Names, Trans Clones, Trans Female Character, Transgender, big egg energy, chosen names, u crack that egg sister
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:13:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24796747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Uninspired/pseuds/The_Uninspired
Summary: 44 is defective. He justknowsit.44 has no idea how no one has caught onto him yet, but he knows they will someday, and probably someday soon. How could they not when he’s so clearly, obviously defective?
Relationships: Original Clone Trooper Character(s) & Original Clone Trooper Character(s)
Series: Lady, aka trans (clone) rights [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1997965
Comments: 7
Kudos: 99





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’d apologize for my potential non-canon mistakes since I’ve only seen like two episodes of clone wars, but let’s be real not even star wars canon is canon compliant with star wars.
> 
> CW: gender dysphoria, descriptions of specific physical transfem dysphoric issues, self-hatred, brief suicidal thoughts

44 is defective. He just _knows_ it.

44 has no idea how no one has caught onto him yet, but he knows they will someday, and probably someday soon. How could they not when he’s so clearly, obviously defective?

It’s there in his every feature, from the sharp angle of his scruffy jaw (he’s started growing hair on his face just recently and there’s something wrong with _that_ too, he knows it- it’s so bristly and dark and itching as it comes in) to the unnerving distributions of fat along his torso. The musculature of his shoulders is too broad to be on-spec, and his hips are too narrow, and 44 tries not to even begin thinking of everything wrong with his- his _plasma canon_. He doesn’t even like to say the proper word for it, he can hardly manage it without cringing, and it’s only luck that there are so many somewhat-less-uncomfortable nicknames to choose from instead. It’s certainly too big, and too fleshy and sensitive, and some days it’s about all 44 can manage not to go crazy from the sensation of it tucked in the cup of his armor. It’s just- _defective_. He knows it is.

He wasn’t defective when he was just a junior cadet- thank the oceans for that. Perhaps that’s how he’s managed to survive this long under the radar. Maybe they tag defective clones when they’re still young and never check again. 44 was already in training when he first realized he was defective, and by then the long-necks must have stopped looking for deviations.

44 wonders sometimes how many brothers he has that are like him- defective, but only once they’ve grown up and it’s too late to decommission them. Not that it’s _ever_ too late to be decommissioned, he wouldn’t be so terrified otherwise, but there certainly did seem to be a cut-off point, after which the long-necks stopped looking so hard for genetic mutations and started looking for behavioral problems instead. How many brothers had slipped through the cracks like him? How many trainees were only now beginning to suspect they were defective, only just now realizing how vulnerable they were? 44 is certain there must be others, but he’s never seen one. After all, it would be obvious on sight, wouldn’t it? They must look as defective as 44 knows he certainly is.

It’s for this reason, 44 tells himself, that he refuses to take a name. A deviation, a failure like him- he’s not sure he really deserves one at all. And even if he did earn a name somehow, wouldn’t that be cruel? It might hurt his brothers more if 44 had his own name when the long-necks finally figured him out and decommissioned him. No, let 44 die as nothing more than a number. Maybe Knees and Nightshift and Point and Triple-Ought wouldn’t hurt so much to lose him if he didn’t give them a name to remember.

So 44 keeps quiet, and he keeps to himself as much as a brother can, and he doesn’t let himself take a name- not even when Knees starts coming up with his own ideas and trying so hard to give him one. And every night in his bunk, as he runs his hands up and down his plank-flat curly-haired chest and hates himself for being this way, hates himself more deeply than he’s hated anything else, hates himself so much that he almost wishes those damn long-necks would sort their shit out already and notice the blatantly obvious… every night 44 has the strange but clear thought: how could anyone give something a name if they didn’t even know what it was?

*

*

*

*

*

_It’s one thing to learn about human women, and such another thing to be with one day in and day out. It’s the difference between a comms call and a bunk talk. It’s the difference between a blaster in the hand and a shot in the brain._

_After just three battles under the command of Jedi Master Natalee Fern, he feels that figurative blaster in his hand kick hard as it finally goes off, and_ she _feels the shot enter_ her _brain like the General_ _’s karking lightsaber._

_“Lady.” She says, as confidently as she can to cover the roaring roiling terrified excitement in her stomach. Knees and Point and Triple-Ought are there with her, and Nightshift is marching far away, but she thinks he’s probably with her right now too. “My name is Lady.”_

_Point and Triple-Ought nod and congratulate her with appropriate fanfare, but it_ _’s Knees, her batchmate and closest brother and best friend, who seems to_ understand _. He lunges for her and pulls her into an embrace like a deathgrip._

 _“Lady,” He says, breathless with pride. He chuckles into her neck. “I should have known! I should have kriffing guessed it! Lady! My_ sister _, is that it?_ _”_

_Lady laughs and laughs and hugs him tight and when she starts to cry, Knees only hugs back tighter._


	2. ### this is now a series! yippee! ###

To you two precious readers who subbed to this drabble, you're in luck! This is now an ongoing series of shorts/drabbles. Just thought I'd let ya know 😉


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